Panic! At The Disco Hate You

And with good reason actually. Chances are you are one or really any number of the following:

1) A teenage girl who doodles their names and pastes cut out pictures of them all over your notebooks and goes on line to gossip about them, their girlfriends, their ex girlfriends, and spew all manner of crazy, unhinged, horribly misspelled, declarations of devotion as well as promote yourself as The Sacred Decrier of all Those Who Might Call Their Sexuality Into Question. Because "BDEN AND RYRO CANNOTT BEE HOMOFAGS BCUXZ THAY IZ MINEZ!" thus making the situation way worse.

2) A teenage girl who isn't exactly as maniacal but still comes to the shows thus, hurting their credibility with the type of audience they think they should have.

3) A reporter, whose only goal in life, besides patronizing them and asking the same 6 questions of them that every other interviewer asks, is to get into their heads and make them say things that can later be twisted horribly and printed for mass consumption, scrutiny, and/or contempt.

4) In another band who is "fueled by ramen" in a totally non ironic way because you really can only sustain yourselves on the yummy, salty, soup like noodley meals that cost like 1 and a half cent each; who drives around in an old smelly van from venue to venue trying to build a name for yourself and your little band; and who has nothing but vitriol to spew about Panic! for hitting it big after one single and the blessings of Pete Wentz (whom you used to harbor a total boy crush on back when FOB was largely unknown and "real, ya know?" whom you now hate because they've gotten successful and now they’re all "Hollywood and corporate, and bullshit!")

or lastly

5) A fan maybe part of the demographic in #2, maybe not, that writes long torid pros about all the gay sex that you imagine them having with each other, Fall Out Boy, and various other auxiliary guest performers such as Oli Sykes from "Bring Me The Horizon" or their one time tour manager Jack Marin. Perhaps Gerard (l) or Frank (r) from My Chem.

I've already revealed that I am in that latter group and quite frankly, there is no reason on Earth that I should expect anything but seething hatred from their quarter. What makes it so bad is that not only do I write lovingly crafted pornography about them, I write it in the journal that I got from inside their box set! Thanks guys! *blows kisses* Anyway, yah, Ryan is none to pleased about the misappropriation of their names and likenesses and histories in our bawdy literary pursuits. He thinks it's "kinda sick". Oh Ryan. So cute. So talented. So very dumb. Slash has been around since Spock and Kirk first were battling foam rubber aliens on moons of Styrofoam and Paper Mache. If it's good enough for them than it's good enough for you damnit! Slash writers are a pretty well adjusted and normal bunch if the two fandoms in which I've participated are any indication.

Brendon at one point expressed his utter consternation about the "gay rumors on the internet". I think he referenced slash too but I forget. Geez where the FUCK could people have gotten such a spurious impression?









Ummm yah.

So here we are. Panic! is on hiatus making a new album and still I can't get these little homos off my mind. They're all so cute! - Okay first off, before I go on - I don't actually think any of the members of the ACTUAL band are ACTUALLY gay. That's not how -as a slash writer - I work. Lemme 'xsplain: I do not know any of the boys I write fic(tion) about. I have no clue what their sexual orientation is besides what they tell me and the rest of the world in their interviews, and although none of them have said they are strait, Ryan did say they were not gay. There is a distinction there because we still have the full spectrum of both bisexuality and heteroflexiblity to play with, buuuut for the sake of argument, let's just assume Ryan meant that all four boys are strait. I can accept that. I actually pretty much believe that but I don't write about the REAL boys. How could I? I'm no biographer and as I said, I don't know them. I have used their public image to create elaborate characters (I try to be vague or in some cases, way avoidy about certain aspects of their lives.)

Slash is fun! There is a built in audience. There is all manner of interesting events and behavior to interpret. It's just a joy. I've met good friends through slash. It's my hobby and I luvsit! I even find their fan!hate delightful. They say they are appreciative of the fans and I think that they are to a certain extent. I mean three high school outcasts (I never get the impression that Jon was one) having access to all manner of punanny at any given time, who are beloved by millions? Of course they appreciate it. But we also, smother and break them with our adulation like a child might crush a butterfly by holding it too tight.

So sorry Ryan, and Panic! At The Disco for my part in bending your beautiful wings but it's just so necessary when you do shit like this!

Aye Dio Mio! What the hell guys? What the hell? The other thing that perplexes me about Ryan's reaction to the filthy pr0n that we write is that Ryan is very very aware of his sexual power. He plays the shy role but he used to post very provocative pics of himself on livejournal (nothing too raunchy just shirtless baby bird chest, close ups of his bared pelvis while he hooks his obscenely long thumb into his studded belt and kinda ... pulls forward, his ass and crotch in tight girl's jeans) that kinda stuff... wait where are you going? .... Oh, well just wash your hands before you get back on the computer. .......... ........... ........... Back? Okay, so you'd think that a dude who used to star in his own pedophile friendly LJ posts; allows and encourage his band mate to caress his junk in the middle of a show; and who styles himself like a more glamourous version of Shane from The L Word would be kinda light and breezy about slash which he called "pornfiction" but nooooooooo *rollseyes*.

*stops to "GUUUUUUH" over that pic of Katherine Moennig*

I'm back. Okay, where was I? Oh yes! Ryan as a camwhore! The reason I haven't linked the pics is because I'm actually not sure if he was 'of age' in them. Keep in mind, at the age of 19 he looked like a 9 year old girl so it's very possible, even probable that he was indeed 18 or older but I'm not sure so ... if your a fan you have probably already seen them and if not do a google search or go to buzznet.

My Characters

Ryan Ross (RyRo) is pretty much their leader. He's the lead guitarist/lyricist. He's the driving creative force behind the band. He can be a bit bossy and particular when dealing with the music/ presentation of the band. He's moody, artsy, and sarcastic. Like I said above he is pretty aware of his sexual power and uses it when it suits him but sometimes he retreats into shyness. Brendon is kind of his other half. He feels a kinship with Brendon that was immediate and crackled upon their first meeting. (I've got a fic in me about that). For him it may/may not be sexual or it may be and he doesn't really know/admit/ allow just yet but it's palpable and everyone around them sees it. The other boys defer to him and are protective of him at the same time.

Spencer Smith (Spence) is the drummer. He acts as the groups ambassador and as Ryan's Vice Chancellor. He's the best at smacking Brendon down if he needs it and he can give an interview without being too open about the low grade loathing that he and the other boys feel about everyone that is not one another. Ryan handles the art. Spencer handles the books. I enjoy Spencer in fic but the liklihood of me writing it is very low. I dont' have his voice. *shrugs*

Brendon Urie (Bden) is the lead singer and player of every instrument under the sun. All of them play multiple instruments (not sure about Spencer actually). He is gorgeous and hyper and sexy and finally FINALLY the world is letting him do what he was born to do, what the first 17 years of his life had denied him, international super stardom. He drinks in attention like mother's milk and is a natural showman. He can be pissy and diva-ish at times but the most salient point that one must understand about Brendon, is that Brendon is deeply, deeply in love with Ryan Ross. Sexuality wise he can be gay, strait, or other but at the end of the day, all Brendon really wants is Ryan. He admires him as a person and as a musician and an artist but mostly he just thinks he's really fucking blazing hot. I'm not sure if there is self awareness on his part about it even if it's obvious to everyone else even Ryan when he's not kidding himself.

Jon Walker (JWalk) is the cute multi talented bass player who they imported from the Chicago Scene, in other words, Pete Wentz's backyard, because their first bass player was apparently a massive tool. He plays the bass, keyboards, guitar, and he sings! They dont' let him sing enough though. They should. He's that smelly but adorable frat boy that lives across from you and who always needs to "borrow a few bucks". The ironic thing about Jon is that although he's usually thought of as the "strait one", Panic! didn't get so thoroughly gay until he showed up. When Brent was there, Ryan and Brendon, in an unconcious act of sexiness natural selection stayed in the middle of photos looking pretty and leaning up against each other like they were the band and Spencer and Brent were just their burly body guards flanking them and looking morose. Then after Brent got the ol' heave-ho, Spencer got more attractive and Jon joined, becoming the default paunchy guy but unlike Brent he does paunch in a totally OHMYGAHINEEDTOHAVEYOURBABIES!!! way. I might write some porn between him and Brendon.